Because
by SkyeElf
Summary: Draco, Slytherin and Malfoy, has done something no one expected, he tried to commit suicide. Blaise finds a diary, depicting the reasons for his attempted suicide. In the supposed perfect world, perfection is a nighmare. No slash.
1. Chapter 1: A find

**A/N: This idea came to me when that book 13 reasons why came out. I haven't read it yet, but here's what that book inspired. I don't own that book or Harry Potter.**

**Because**

**Chapter 1**

Blaise couldn't believe it. It had been exactly a day now. He glanced at his watch, yeah, a full day, and still the fact of what happened was still hard to believe. The event was a rare one, especially at Hogwarts, but it was a shocking one. The entire school knew too, and that made it worse.

He looked down at the diary. After all the shock the school had experienced with the attempted suicide, now he'd kept a diary too?

It had been a normal morning at Hogwarts. Well, as normal as a morning could get with a castle filled with hormone-crazed, wizarding teens all fit with wands and potions. You were being hexed or charmed, it all depended on who you were, who you angered and which house you belonged to.

Slytherins were the school outcasts, even more than Lovegood. They were judged by their house, so immediately they were cast aside, someone declaring them evil, dark and sadistic. Not people to be friends with and avoided at all costs. Over time the Slytherins learned to be independent, and with that caring grew less and selfishness stood in its place, cheekishly sticking it's tongue out. They had to have their own backs, after all.

The morning had been cast into disarray when Blaise Zabini floundered into the Great Hall, his face blotchy. Now, if anyone knew Zabini, they'd have known that he doesn't cry, or scream, or show any emotion. He just sat passively, his face a mask of indifference, sometimes he'd smirk (that usually happened when he was satisfied) or sneered, it was often hard to tell the difference. Even whilst in class his face was a mask, when he was excited about what he was learning, his eyes were dull and bored.

But that day, his eyes were red and swollen, two shiny streaks across his cheeks. He ignored them all, they didn't care, going directly for Snape. Snape, having seen one of his favourite pupils upset, was already on his feet. They met halfway, but no word was said or whispered between the two.

The two disappeared down the hall, Snape having been unable to calm him down for a lengthy period. All word he could utter, was 'Draco', before his breath caught in his throat and he had to cover his face with his hands.

Snape pulled Blaise with him by the elbow. The two of them entered the Slytherin Common Room, the password whispered quickly, and the pair of them made it to the the sixth year boys' dormitory. Blaise shook like a leaf.

Blood. So much blood. And Draco in the middle, a scarlet angel, his wings as red as the blood on the floor. A dark book in his hands. Snape crossed over, muttering a spell under his breath, his wand flying over Draco's many injuries, the book lying at their side, Snape having flung it aside carelessly. Blaise picked it up, confused. There was blood on the dark cover from where Draco's hands had been.

Draco hadn't kept a diary, as far as he knew. It seems he hadn't known his best friend as he well as he thought he had. The two had been together since they were toddlers, why had Draco attempted to take his own life?

No one knew how or why he'd done it, just that he'd tried to kill himself. Blaise put the diary on a bed, bending down to help Snape in any way he could.

Draco was in the Hospital Wing. No one but the medi-witch and his godfather had been allowed to see him. They were the only ones he'd allowed in too. He did get a message to Blaise though, to read the diary, via a scrawled note, written in Draco's shaky hand.

Until only moments earlier, he'd forgotten about it. He found it where he left only hours earlier, on the bed. It had been Draco's bed. The cover was still bloodied, though it was dry by now.

With a sigh and a feeling of dread, he turned to the first page, glad that he was alone.

_Dear person reading this diary,_

_I guess you're wondering 'why he did it?' The answer is simple: because. The explanation, however, has more length to it. It wasn't exactly something large or profound that drove me to kill myself. It was little happenings, small things in my everyday life. It just got too much, and the few people who cared just didn't seem enough. It's probably one of those caring few that's reading this, admittedly dull-looking, book. I'm going to tell you why, dear reader, and you're not going to like it._

Blaise snorted, of course he wouldn't like it! His best friend was about to explain to him why he bloody well killed himself!

_This isn't exactly a long introductory, it's more of a thank you note to everyone that cares. It's not a particularly large number, but they're there._

_I'll be writing in this diary until moments before I do the deed, no matter how much keeping a diary is frowned upon by society. You might even find blood on it - won't be exciting for you? Some interesting happening, and it's not to the Gryffindor trio, the lunacy-inclined headmaster or even an escaped convict that's not as guilty as you'd like to think he is._

Sirius Black wasn't guilty, then? There wasn't another escaped convict Blaise could think of... But Black was dead. And he'd already been cleared.

_Draco Malfoy has taken centre stage! And the narcissist in me finds this attention nearly addictive, even though I haven't even gotten it yet._

_There are a few who care for me, and who I care for. My thanks to the ones that care. The three individuals I know that care._

_To mother: you were the perfect mother figure, and you didn't fail me. The little things you did for me, even just sending me a weekly letter made my days light up. I didn't appreciate them enough. I failed you, and I apologize for the hurt I'm causing._

Blaise paused again. Draco did care for her, in a way he wouldn't make known to anyone. Not even his best friend.

_To my godfather, Severus: I'm sorry for evading you, it wasn't because I didn't want your help in the task the Dark Lord gave me, it was because I knew that if you found out what I was planning, you'd stop me. _

_I apologize. Know that _you_ were my true father._

Blaise had to stop again to wipe his eyes. Lucius was never a good mentor, he was too... cowardly, if Blaise could be so bold as to put it that way, too focused on social status and wealth, than family. Snape might be a snarky individual, but at least he was responsible, and he gave the Slytherins something they missed in every other class where the other houses were favoured, attention.

_To Blaise..._

Blaise had to stop. He knew it was wrong, but he was highly relieved that he wasn't a reason. No one wanted to find out your best friends thought of you as a failure or that you caused them pain. He breathed a deep sigh before casting his eyes down again.

_To Blaise: my one true friend. I'm sorry that I'm leaving you alone. You were always the responsible one. I should've trusted you, I should've told you. I tried, but I'm not a Gryffindor, bravery isn't part of my character. You didn't fail me. You're my best mate._

Blaise had to stop to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. He hadn't failed Draco, it wasn't his fault. Draco'd called him the responsible one - it was true. He was the one to remind Draco of outstanding work or work due soon. He just couldn't get over the fact that Draco had tried to kill himself.

He'd been given the day off to relax. Snape would be by a bit later with a potion or two to make him relax and sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep at all. He'd tried, but he was haunted.

_That's all. Sad, isn't it?_

_I, Draco Lucius Malfoy, will do this moment dramatically. I am going to take my own life, and I'm doing it in a muggle way. Terribly anti-climatic, I know, but I also knew the above mentioned lunacy-filled headmaster would be alarmed immediately if anything of the sorts happened._

_So, dear reader, are you ready to embark on a tale of a wealthy boy from a well-known family commiting suicide? Where I was taught never to show emotion, or feel emotion. Are you ready to see that Slytherins have emotions and feeling too? Most of all, _me _having feelings - shocking, isn't it?_

Blaise wanted to snort. Typical Draco with his dry sense of humour. Only he would be making jokes in a book meant to explain why he killed himself.

**A/N: This is just an idea I'm playing with. We'll see how it goes. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Astoria

**A/N: thanks to Nizuna Fujieda, Annabelle4.0, Mythomagic-Champion, NarglesAreBehindIt, Batmarcus, AMPebbles and muentiger for reviewing. **

**Just a warning, Draco might seem a bit OOC here, but I enjoyed writing this chapter, and it was inspired by an annoying Afrikaans song I won't mention. Trust me, it's annoying.**

**This chapter is my big brothers, Roelf and Davie. I love you two so much, the two of you are my heroes.**

**Chapter 2: Astoria**

Blaise stood up and went to the bathroom. He had a feeling he'd be tearing up a lot in his reading, whether he was laughing or crying.

He took the entire roll of toilet paper with him - some muggle inventions were admittedly useful, though some still struck him as utterly bizarre, like a television (Granger often talked about muggle inventions, and he sometimes listened in), what was so entertaining about it? Then again, he'd never experienced the thing for himself, so he couldn't judge.

The bed cringed under his weight, the springs not quite old, simply used. He turned the page, fully expecting the Dark Lord's name to appear somewhere on the page.

It didn't. It surprised him a bit.

_So, here, dramatically, you turn the first page! And what do I bet you were certain the Dark Lord's, or even Potter's, name would be there? They're in here too, but they're not first._

So Blaise wasn't entirely wrong? Good.

_Astoria. _

Blaise blinked. Astoria and Draco were still going out at present, weren't they? Sure, everyone though Draco and Pansy were an item, but that was only due to the tight friendship the two shared. Next to Blaise, Pansy and Theodore were Draco's best friends.

Blaise knew Draco really cared for Astoria. She was brilliant, not Granger, but still brilliant, and kind, and beautiful. And she'd chosen Draco, of all people, to love. What could she have done?

_What could she possibly have done? I'm certain that's the question running through your mind, or something similar, at least. Most didn't even know we were going steady, even if that is an old-fashioned term to use. I loved her. Correction, I still love her. Even though I'm only sixteen and shouldn't know what love is. I've found out, and I would, like a stupid fool, do anything she said or asked. _

_Teenage romance, you'd say with a sneer, your tongue laced with a scorning tone, acid. I'd stare back, my own familiar, and somewhat famous, sneer in place. I'd look down on you. You, the scum of the earth._

Draco was ranting again, perhaps even making a joke. It was hard to tell.

_But what was I thinking, loving? Love, the primary emotion, yet frowned upon by my own father, described as useless by him. Isn't love the reason for any religion? For any sport, for a child, for friendship?_

Blaise paused. It made a sense, and Draco's reasoning rarely made sense to him.

_My mother loves me, just as much as I love her. I love Quidditch, I love Blaise, Pansy and Theo, they're my friends. I love my God. _

Gosh, Draco really was full of love, wasn't he? He should've been a Gryffindor!

_And I love Astoria._

_I sound like a Gryffindor, loving everyone. I myself am not surprised I was not skipping around, handing out irises and daisies to those I love. A blood red rose for Astoria, of course. _

Blaise wondered if irises even grew near Hogwarts, or even if they were in season. With a loud smack he hit himself across the face with the book. He was such a girl, wondering about flowers.

_But then she betrayed me. She told me she loved me, that I was the only one for her, but the moment I turned my back, she was on Theodore._

No, that couldn't be possible!

_I saw them together, she was dancing and laughing with him, she was holding him tightly, she was whispering things into his ear. Loving things, no doubt. Their hands linked, sitting across each other at a table._

Astoria was cheating on Draco? But... But she wasn't the type to do that! Astoria was kind, not scornful or... like that! There must be a mistake!

And Theodore! How could he? The three boys had promised never to let a girl come between them, that they'd be there for each other, forever. As stupid and childish as it sounded, it was the three of them against the world. Crabbe and Goyle were no help, they weren't smart enough to realise they didn't have to follow in their fathers' footsteps.

_Is it possible that I misinterpreted it? Completely. Do I think I did? No. Am I right? Most likely, no. My 'gut', as some would call it, has a knack for being wrong._

_Still, their faces haunt me. She was mine, the first person, next to the first three I mentioned, that I trusted, and it, figuratively, blew up in my face._

_She became distant after that. Not holding my hand, not greeting me with an embrace, she didn't kiss me anymore, she was always too busy for me. I, on the other hand, did everything I could for her. I even sent her flowers, and I'm not the romantic type. _

_I can remember how it once was, how you fitted next to me. Perfection. But prefection doesn't exist, does it? Do you detect the bitterness in my words?_

_I was looking for you, my heart raw, as if it had been skinned. Not a pretty picture, I know. A heart, pumping blood, but nothing to contain the blood. It spills, and the heart is, finally, empty._

Draco just has a knack for words, Blaise thought, seeing the image clearly. He was very colourful in his word choice. Blaise made a mental note to commend him on that.

_I was only good enough when it fit you, Astoria! When you wanted something! Oh, not money, you have enough of that, don't you? You took my soul, piece by bloody piece!_

_And here I am, the willing fool, never learning my lesson! Because you don't kiss me anymore, not even on the cheek!_

That struck the dark-skinned Slytherin as nearly sweet, though the hurt was still evident.

_I miss us. I missed how we used to be. Is my heart a plaything to you? Clay?_

_If the shoe fits..._

Put it on, Blaise finished the thought. Draco'd compared his heart to clay. Draco wasn't as icy as everyone thought.

_How does one look through ones heart? Look, see if you can find the remedy. I continuously wish for it all to be okay and all right... even when I know it's too late. Great, I'm rhyming. _

_I always say to my close friends that they should follow their hearts. How can I follow my own advice when my heart is broken? Are you satisfied, Tori? Are you happy? Your knife, possibly poisoned, twisted into my heart. Making the wound deeper with every false word, every time you said you loved me, the last few times you kissed my cheek..._

Odd as it was, Draco's advice always had been to follow their hearts. Blaise did, and it worked out when he told his parents that he wouldn't be joining the Dark Lord. They'd accepted his choice, even encouraged him. The Zabinis never had chosen a side, really.

_Was I too cold for your soft body? Was I too tired from being shuffled around? If you go into my room and look at the frame we used to be in, you'll see it's empty. Tori, you've had your chance._

That's where it ended, and Blaise swore to find both Astoria and Theodore, and to demand answers. But that would be later, for now, there were a few more pages.

. . .

**A/N: please review!**


	3. Chapter 3: Lucius

**A/N: Thanks to muentiger, Batmarcus, Mythomagic-Champion and NarglesAreBehindIt for reviewing,**

**Chapter 3: Lucius**

With a deep sigh Blaise took it all in. Astoria had cheated on Draco, or so Draco believed, and with Theodore. It was impossible, unthinkable, yet Blaise couldn't find it in himself to believe it.

There had to be some misunderstanding! There just had to be! Theodore was a good, no a great, friend, and Astoria just... wasn't like that.

He looked down at the just turned page. Who would it be? Still, the Dark Lord's name evaded him, as did Potter's. When would they come in?

The name Draco addressed, however, was another name he hadn't been expecting.

_Lucius. I refuse to acknowledge you as my father, as it would be a lie. _

Was Draco being dramatic or was he being serious? It was, again, hard to tell. Was Lucius just a failure as a father, or was Draco a lovechild?

He couldn't see the latter. Draco looked too much like Lucius. The same hair colour, the same eyes, the same pointed face... But there were magical ways to altering one's appearance.

_You are by blood my father, and the fact that I look so much like you, sickens me and I wish I could change it. You never were there, were you? You were always hunting for something else, something monetary, something expensive, something earthly, never giving my mother and I the attention we rightly deserved. I was your son, and you tried to buy my adoration. You don't know what it is to love, because you were never taught to love!_

Really, Draco had been sorted into the wrong house, here he was with 'love' again. Blaise shook his head, hiding a small smile.

_Mother knows love. Aunt Bella knows love, even if only for her master. And you? All you know is money, earthly posessions that are of no use to me. Or you. To think, I used you as a threat once. Now, they'd all laugh at your name. Because you failed. Not only your ridiculous master, but me too. I myself laugh at you, behind your back, in front of you, but you lack the intelligence to realise it._

Blaise could hear the pain in Draco's written words. The page was bit wrinkled, and the 'too' was runny.

Draco, the Slytherin prince, had cried when he'd written this. Blaise wanted to march to his best friend and demand why he hadn't confided in Blaise, why he hadn't told his best friend!

Supressing his anger, and reminding himself that everything was not about him, Blaise continued.

_You're a coward and a shallow being. I used to look up to you. You used to be my idol. I wanted to be you, but now... Screw you. I just wish I had the courage to say it to your face. You're a poltroon, you hide your entire entire life and expect me to do the same. You're like a fish on dry water, listening with you mouth wide open to the gossip of the others._

_News, Lucius: I won't become you. _

Blaise's chest swelled with pride. Draco had seen the light!

_Sometimes the mirror is my only friend, when Blaise is busy. Mirror, mirror on the wall... Who's the most pathetic of them all? Draco, the brainwashed, or Lucius, the gall?_

_Odd how I can relate to an old muggle fable, isn't it? And I know you tried to fool me! You thought I was a stupid little boy, to mend and to bend as you saw fit, correct? Now I have this awful mark on my arm and this impossible feat to accomplish - thanks to you! I hate you for what you've made me become!_

Blaise reached for a piece of toiletpaper and wiped his eyes. Draco really was a piece of work, wasn't he? And again, he was subtly pointing to clay with 'mend and bend', wasn't he?

_There's more..._

_I look at myself in the mirror, and I see a smaller version of you. The difference being I have short hair, whilst you insist on looking like some medieval woman. _

Blaise thought Lucius more looked like what could be described as a 'veela-wannabe', but that didn't mean Lucius didn't look good with his locks. Theo once said Lucius made him think of someone named 'Goldilocks'. And then he said something about bears getting angry about eaten porridge and broken chairs.

Theo had an overactive imagination, Blaise dismissed the subject from his mind.

_I once smashed the mirror, because it depicted the person I hated. Yes, I hate you. I hate you for not being there, I hate you for hurting my mother and bedding other women, I hate you for trying to make me your slave, I hate you for the way you treated the actual slaves, I hate your self-righteous ways, your mannerisms and belief that there's only one way: your way._

_With everything happening nowadays, I'm surprised I haven't yelled at you before, telling you just what I think of you._

There was what proved Draco shouldn't be a Gryffindor, then. Blaise was relieved, having expected unicorns and rainbows to pop out at the previous page's section on love.

Draco must've been incredibly angry when he wrote this page. Not only were extra use of exclamation points there, there was also the untidy scrawl as he'd tried to refill his quill, and the ink was somewhat smeared on the page.

_The point is, I was taught to respect you. You lost that, Lucius, and you disgust me. That I will say gladly, my sneer in place, besting both your sneer and scowl. Severus taught me well. He was the father you never were, and for that, I will always thankful._

Blaise detected pride and... admiration in that paragraph. Draco really thought of their potions teacher as a parental figure.

_So, I'm not going to explain how you could've been a better father, that would fill this entire book, and I want to take my life before that._

_What I am going to do, is to shove this in your face and hope you're happy._

_I refuse to be you. The mirror I broke was scattered all over the floor, and I picked up one of the larger fragments._

_In that one fragment, I saw my mother. I saw her in me, and postponed my suicide._

Blaise breathed through his nose heavily. He knew Narcissa really, really cared for Draco. For him that was Blaise too. For a pureblood, she did a lot of things normal pureblood women wouldn't do. She made the two boys breakfast, tucked them in and played board games with them, letting them win.

She was kind, but always a proper lady.

_Do you regret it, Lucius? Never being there? Never paying attention? Listening to the gossip of your fellow fools? And giving my life to the master fool?_

_Well, here's the largest piece of gossip for you to share: I killed myself, and it was your fault._

. . .

**A/N: I liked writing this. It was a fun outlet for some held in anger and irritation. What'd you think?**


	4. Chapter 4: Voldemort

**A/N: Who would've thought that I could update a fic on the eve of a very important math exam? I didn't. Thanks to muentiger, Batmarcus, slytheringirl4life and NarglesAreBehind it for reviewing. Nargles' review didn't want to go through, so I promised her I'd put it here:**

Woohoo! Go Draco! You tell your git of a father! Particularly loved the venting and the Blaise reactions ;) can't wait for the next chapter!

**Well, here your are! For slytheringirl4life.**

**Chapter 4: Voldemort**

Blaise could feel Draco's anger come off the page in thick streams at his last words. Such power held in a small paragraph. Hatred too.

He'd known that there were some issues between the Malfoy men, it was obvious, because whenever Lucius was the topic of any conversation, Draco would leave, he wouldn't try to change the topic, he'd just get up and leave. He just didn't know it was such a large problem. So much so that it was a large part of the reason for taking his own life. It was awful. Now he understood why Draco sometimes begged him to go Blaise's house, it was just such a relaxed atmosphere at Blaise's, even when they were purebloods. His parents were happy - they joked, danced, were silly, and Draco would always watch the Zabini family be happy. Never joining in.

But Draco always returned about a week later, looking guilty. The guilt was most likely from his mother being left alone.

He sat a while longer, simply staring into the distance as he pondered his best friend, and said friend's mannerisms. It made sense somehow, didn't it?

_Finally, you'll say, when you see who this page is about. Finally. _

_Just one of them, Potter comes later. I've reserved a page for him even. Fact is, neither of them were the main reason for this, but I thought you, dear reader, would like to know now. Even if just a bit._

_Saint Potter and the Dark Lord. I shall start with the latter, shall I?_

Blaise was curious about this page the most, he didn't know why, but he was. It was awful, he thought, that his curiosity beat his caring for Draco at this moment.

It was human, he thought, thinking of how curious bystanders stood when someone got hurt or was bleeding. The morbid fascination of man was nauseating. Afterwards a grim joke would be made. ''They're going to need a bigger bucket to douche all that blood!'' or ''That's what comes from doing this!'' Always, a lesson was learnt, a banal resolution made. ''Don't drive your broom too fast!'' for instance.

_The Dark Lord branded me as a servant of his just before school started for my sixth year, I'd just turned sixteen, not even legal yet. I didn't want to join, I hated everything they were since I saw Lucius for what he was. Before that I wished to be one of them, to prove my love for the side of true wizards, to be close to Lucius._

_It would be the same as trying to be close to a ghoul. All they do is moan and drool. He does something similar._

Obviously Draco lacked respect for his paternal party, not that Blaise could blame him, but insulting him won't help the whole time. His parents always made the comment that violence was always the solution. Draco would add that, sure, it wasn't the solution, but it made them all feel so much better. Maybe this was Draco's way of making himself feel better.

He hadn't expected anyone to read the diary, actually, so it made sense. It was, in a way, as if was reading his best friend's journal.

_I was deluded, I know, into believing that what they were doing was right. Needless to say, my perception of right and wrong was twisted._

Blaise agreed with that, sighing and sweeping a hand through his dark hair. He hadn't combed his hair yet, and he should before they become unruly. Again.

He got up and dragged a comb through his hair, wincing as it caught in some places.

He knew Snape was still with Draco, and Mrs. Malfoy would arrive any moment. Mr. Malfoy was a riddle - he didn't know if the man even would arrive.

Astoria had gone ballistic when she heard what Draco'd done. She'd tried to touch him, to shake him awake from where he was in Snape's arm, cradled like a baby, but Blaise drew her back, his arms around her waist as she kicked and screamed to go to Draco.

That was what confused Blaise. Why would Astoria shout like that unless she did have feelings for Draco? It didn't make sense. And Theo, who'd lost his consciousness when he found out. Theodore wasn't like that, he wouldn't hurt Draco on purpose. There must be some mistake. A misunderstanding somewhere.

Both of them were sleeping. Astoria had beem dosed with a calming draught, while Theo had been taken to the hospital, having hit his head.

Blaise made a mental note to visit them later. He cast his eyes down at the slipping diary, he caught it before it slipped off entirely.

_The Dark Lord is laughable. Yes, I said it. His ideas are stupid. He wants to wipe out all muggleborns and possibly the half-bloods, thereby forcing the few pureblood families to marry and have children. Doesn't he realise that it's hard not to be somehow related to your new chosen spouse? He wants our children to be deformed!_

_That _was his plan? It was flawed, even an imbecile could see it. Well, perhaps Voldemort was an imbecile. It was possible, after all.

_The end? No more wizards. Fool, and I say that whilst scoffing and perhaps kicking a stray rock in my path. He's a jester in today's life, and all those that fear him are just as blinded. _

That was a low blow, even for Draco. Most feared Voldemort, why wouldn't they? His threat was death, and life was at a cost, a dreadful cost of service to him, where he thought himself a god, being able to decide on who lived and who died.

_Not that they don't have reason, his punishment is death, and most fear death. _

Blaise smirked - great minds think alike.

_And why wouldn't they? It's this sort of final feeling. It ends. Eternal darkness, eternal slavery to the night. Some believe we sit on the clouds and look down at our loved ones. 'My time on earth has gone, it's time to move on, but I'll watch over you, with a pair of pearly angel wings.' Utter rubbish. We don't know what's coming next._

They said the quickest way to hell was suicide. Did Draco know that? Draco was not a bad person, he had bad qualities, yes, but he was civil, at the very least. The Gryffindors were automatically judged as the heroes, and the Slytherins were the antagonists.

_We don't know what happens after death. Is there heaven or hell? Is it Tartarus? Is it there? Or is it just a void of darkness, where you have no body, no senses, just left alone with your thoughts for eternity._

_I know there can't be heaven without hell, and vice versa, but my point still stands. Who is not afraid of death? You're done, it's over, your chances are over, your life ends, and you're weighed._

You've been weighed, Blaise got the picture of them all sitting on the brass scales they use in Potions.

_Were you succesful in living your life? Did you achieve your goal? Did you touch a life? Why were you even born?_

_All good questions. Rethorical questions, though._

_And the Dark Fool thinks he has the answers to them all. That was why he gave me my task. Oh, not to test me, but to ensure I'd fail and be killed as a result._

_What was this task? The murder of Albus Dumbledore._

Blaise's eyes widened in surprise. He had to agree - the Dark Lord was a fool, no one could kill Dumbledore. Didn't he himself know that? He'd tried, and failed, numerous times to kill Dumbledore.

_My heart was never in it, because I knew I was destined to fail. That was when suicide first crossed my mind. If I killed myself, I wouldn't have to murder Dumbledore, and then fool couldn't murder me. It was a win-win situation for me. He couldn't dismiss me, I'd quit._

_But how, in the name of Salazar, was I supposed to kill Albus Dumbledore? The man was everywhere and nowhere at once. I knew he knew, and he knew that I knew that he knew. Confusing sentence, I know, but you understand._

_He didn't speak to me much, but we communicated in a silent way. The headmaster would give me a pitying smile, I'd glare back. My hate for the insane headmaster was no secret, after all. _

_I sometimes felt that I could identify with him. It infuriated me! How dare he stare at me with those azure eyes and judge me? How dare he pity me? I don't deserve even empathy! I'm low, shallow and torn!_

_No, that was not me 'pitying' myself. I was just speaking the truth. Scoff all you want, you judging reader._

Blaise burst out in laughter. Who knew Draco was a humourist?

_My godfather tried to help, but I pushed him away. I'm sorry, Severus, with all my heart. My heart that's two sizes too small. _

_I made attempts on Dumbledore's life, small attempts, half-hearted and foolish plans. As a result Ronald Weasley and Katie Bell got hurt._

So Potter was right, then? Blaise knew of the ever-growing obsession Potter had had with Malfoy being the quilty party in those happenings. The two of them did have a duel in the bathroom.

_I never wanted to hurt anyone. I knew Dumbledore would see through it the moment he saw it, the drink and the necklace, and he'd get rid of it. I didn't want to kill him, it wasn't in me._

_I am not a killer._

_Other things, yes, but not that. Am I?_

This Blaise knew to be true. Draco was a narcissist, he was selfish, he was racist towards mudbloods even, but a killer he wasn't? And Blaise would make a point of telling him that.

That was where it ended, and to Blaise it sounded as if Draco was doubting himself. Which was entirely unlike Draco - he was such a cocky bastard normally.

_**A/N: please review, and you'll get a dedication! Or a hug, whichever you prefer.**_


	5. Chapter 5: Pansy

**A/N: Wow, I haven't updated this story in a long while. I'll try to update once a week from now on (I'm actually going to write it on my calender, update dates for stories). It's not as if I'm so busy anymore - I'm finished with school and I'm now in the world of the employed. For those reading Skye Night: don't panic! She's coming!**

**Thanks to StandardAngelChild21, Muentiger, FeathersMcStrange, TheFremioneGirl, Batmarcus, SouthernBelle, MismatchedSocksandKnickers, ProvidingTheAnswerToTheRiddl e, Slytheringirl4life and NarglesAreBehindIt for reviewing! Hugs to all! *gets in awkward group hug***

**Chapter 5: Pansy**

Blaise was shaking. He saw the name of the person the next page was dedicated to, and he immediately saw red.

Pansy Parkinson. Draco had befriended her in their first year, seeing as no one else wanted to, and then he took her to the Yule Ball.

After that, Pansy'd pretty much been sticking to Draco like glue.

_Pansy Parkinson, you lying little wench! _

Well, Blaise thought, that was a powerful start.

_You were the reason behind Tori and Theo! I knew I should've trusted them, but I was too blind, too young and too trusting of you._

Entirely forgetting that he was still young, but to Blaise, Draco sounded bitter for someone so young.

_You lied to me. You bamboozled me, you led me to think that Tori was cheating on me... While she was simply helping a friend! _

So, that's what happened! Blaise knew Astoria and Theo too well to assume they'd had some sort of illicit afair.

_Pansy: we are over. In all honesty, we never even begun. We were friends, that's al we were ever going to be. _

Ouch, that had to hurt Pansy. Friendzoned by the supposed love of her life...

_You were always near when I saw Tori and Theo together. They never danced, they hugged. She never whispered seductively into his ear, she whispered comforting things into his ear._

_Theodore Nott, as it were, had been randomly chosen for a marriage contract. One he didn't want, one he was too young for._

- Flashback -

"Hey, Treasure," Tori greeted him at breakfast, her hand slipping into his under the table.

"Hey, Tori," He replied, wanting nothing more than to kiss her. Blaise could tell, and not just from the way he kept glancing at her lips.

"Sleep well?" He asked politely. She nodded, helping herself to breakfast.

Pansy arrived, making herself at home on Draco's other side. Blaise shot her the most venomous look he possibly give. She stared back at him, icily.

Pansy and Blaise might've been Draco's best friends, but they hated each other with a fiery passion.

Theo entered, and even the tapestries could see he was upset. Astoria was on her feet immediately, heading to Theo.

Pansy was whispering things to Draco, Blaise noticed, and the pair of them were watching Astoria and Theodore as they headed out the Great Hall.

- end -

Blaise fumed at the memory. He would give Parkinson a piece of his mind!

_He was set to marry Daphne, Tori's sister. They hated each other, but Mr Nott wasn't giving Theo an option._

The rivalry between Daphne and Theodore were legendary in Slytherin house, they always competed with everything, ranging from the OWLs to something as simple as gobstones.

Perhaps that was what made them such a good match, sort of like Weasley and Granger, they were always banging heads, but the entire sixth year could tell they liked one another.

_I'm a horrible friend, it's one of my biggest flaws, but Theo is one of my closest friends, and I feel betrayed that he hadn't trusted me enough to share it with me. I don't know if Blaise knew, I'm certain he did. But why not me?_

Blaise had known, he personally thought the two made a good match, because they were always arguing, and to him it looked like they were the Slytherin version of Granger and Weasley.

But Blaise had to wonder, why did he know? Why didn't Draco know? After all, he, Draco and Theo were the friends the other Slytherins looked up to. Draco wasn't a horrible friend... He wasn't the perfect friend, but he wasn't a horrible friend.

Blaise made a mental note to set him straight.

_I was certain I'd lost him. I still am. I can't take losing another friend! I know how selfish I sound, but I just wish Theodore had trusted me enough to be there for him! Instead I was shut out!_

Blaise felt guilty. He'd known, why had he never told Draco? He had assumed Draco had known, he figured, but hearing, or reading, that your best friend was left out, was hard. And Draco seemed a little selfish here, Blaise thought, but, in a way, it made sense. Blaise was hurt that Draco hadn't confided any of this to him, after all, and Draco was so miserable he'd tried to kill himself.

_What was worse, Theo's older brother had died recently. Of some muggle disease - I didn't know what it was until recently, and I feel horrible for suspecting him of trying to steal Tori._

Blaise knew what the 'disease' was; cancer. He knew about Theo's brother's passing too, was it something Draco hadn't known either?

Blaise would have to talk to Theo about it.

_But I feel even worse because he didn't let me be there for him! Why? What did I do wrong! Where did I go wrong?_

Draco, you didn't do anything wrong, Blaise thought, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

_He's Tori's best friend, like Blaise is mine, and I can't begrudge her talks with him._

Which was an incredibly grown-up thing for him to say, Blaise had to admit.

_Still, Pansy, you fed me lies and made me see ghouls at daytime. You're a horrid, jealous person, and I hate you._

That said a lot, because Draco didn't hate easily, if at all.

Blaise wanted to murder Pansy, in fact, he'd maim her once he had the oppurtunity.

_Read this carefully: We will never be together. I don't love you, and I never will. Stop your foolish games for once in your miserable life and grow up. _

That had been rough, no-nonsense and harsh, something Pansy maybe just needed.

_What's more than the lies you told? The drugging-action you attempted. How did I know? _

_Because of Weasley. The girl, she let it slip to me once that her brothers had gotten a rather large order of a love potion from you, and she could've sworn she'd seen you put a few drops into my morning drink._

Pansy had gone too far. Blaise was horrified at the act! Pansy was a pretty girl, and half of the Slytherin house boys would be happy to have her as their girlfriend... What was her obsession with Draco? It wasn't normal, and it wasn't safe either.

_(If you're wondering why I'm on speaking terms with Weasley, that is a whole other page coming at you in the near future.)_

_How dare you, Pansy? Obviously it never worked, and not because the Weasleys had faulty products, because I am in love with Astoria. _

That was such a sweet, heartwarming thing for Draco to say, entirely out of character too, but from what Blaise had seen, he had no reason not to believe his friend.

_It's time you dealt with it._

Draco Malfoy: Pureblood, bigot and wordsmith - Blaise couldn't wait to see what would be next.

. . .

**A/N: So, yeah, I didn't make Pansy very nice, but in canon she didn't seem very nice. Then again, I made Draco say he's in love, clearly I can't be trusted. Meh - hug? *insert Mort here***


	6. Chapter 6: Hermione

**A/N: *gets behind shield* I'm sorry! I was randomly given a lot of work and I just had to deal. Grade 6 to 12 math is hard to teach, even if I am the assistant. And now I'm helping with the English Literature too! *happy dance***

**To Muentiger, Batmarcus, NarglesAreBehindIt for reviewing.**

**I promise to really try and update this thing at the very least every two weeks. If I don't, I'll look like an idiot.**

**But here it is, a bit for the Dramione fans. **

**Chapter 6: Hermione**

With the next page Blaise turned, confusion set in.

_Hermione. Not Granger, not mudblood, just Hermione. Shocking, isn't it? The heir to the Malfoy fortune writing a type of letter to her._

Blaise held back a chuckle. It just seemed inappropriate to laugh at irony of it all. Then he decided to heck with it and let loose a loud laugh. Draco's dry sense of humour worked here.

But curiosity set in - as far as he knew, these two hated one another.

_Now, I warn you, dear reader, to not get excited. I am not randomly throwing everything I was taught out the window and allowing it to shatter to pieces._

As far as Blaise was concerned, all pureblood traditions can be thrown in the water. Or out the window, as his friend preferred.

_The thing is: She was there when no one else was. She was the first one to find me drowning my sorrows in bathwater in Myrtle's bathroom; she pulled me out and yelled at me for being a stupid idiot before she unexpectedly hugged me. Now I just wonder what the heck I was doing in Myrtle's bathroom._

Blaise blinked. Granger hugged Draco? Granger? Stuffy, prude-like Granger? What did she lose there?

Blaise finally admitted to himself that he was just jealous of the attention she was getting.

_Now, I'm not one for embraces (unless it's Tori or my mother), but this one shocked me. Her body was surprisingly warm, even if my face was obscured by a mass of brown hair._

_Why was she hugging me? Why did she pull me out of the tub where I was trying to drown myself? (Yes, this attempt isn't the first time.) Why save me? _

Draco tried to kill himself before? Now Blaise felt like a failure as a best friend. He didn't even know about the first time his best friend tried to commit suicide!

Draco was a magnificent actor, that much Blaise had to give him credit for.

_When I gently released her, I saw she was tearing up. Not a lot, but enough. She sobbed and told me off for being an idiot and stupid and utterly clueless._

That sounded like her, except for the hugging Draco part.

_"Granger - do have the hots for me?" I'd asked her as she handed me a warm towel._

_"No, Malfoy, I don't. I just don't think you're a waste of space."_

_That made me have fuzzy feelings - something I normally avoid having. _

_I found myself smiling. An actual smile. And we all know I'm immune to a smile._

Indeed, it seems as though Draco was immune to smiling; unless it was out of the public eye and with Blaise or Tori.

Blaise personally loved the way Draco smiled. He had a charming smile, and he just looked... happy.

That was to say if it wasn't a smirk, which also looked good on Draco's face.

_After that, Granger checked up on me a lot. Not so that anyone would notice, of course. We'd be in the library, she'd spot me and offer a smile. _

_First Gryffindor to smile at me. It wasn't a superior smile, or a smirk, or a leer or sneer. It was a smile._

_She'd subtly make her way over until she was close enough to speak to me without anyone noticing._

_She'd ask how I was doing. And, for a while, it went better. Blaise and Hermione were my friends. They cared about what I had to say. When I said I was 'fine', they would accuse me of lying and grill me until I told the truth._

Blaise snorted. If only he'd badgered Draco some more, then this whole sorry episode wouldn't have happened.

Blaise hated himself for not having noticed his best friend's depression.

But he hated thinking about it. Thus he returned to the diary - where it was blaming everyone but him.

_The problem was that I didn't want anyone to know, not even Blaise. So I got better at lying. Pretending to be nonplussed and bored, as usual._

_Hermione was more than I expected a mudblood to be. She was uncommonly kind to me, even after everything I'd done to her and her friends, she was always there when I needed an ear or a shoulder._

_That was until..._

Blaise knew. It was until the prank.

_You see, for some odd reason my two wannabe bodyguards decided to prank her._

_They are a tad smarter than they look (which really is saying something - hey, this is my novella, I refuse to call it a diary as that is for girls, even if I already referred to it as such, but this is the one place I can be honest, and those two really look stupid), and they thought it'd be funny._

_Hermione didn't. She blamed me for it._

That must've hurt. Having your one friend blame you, when you're already so down... The only helping hand you have, wrenching away...

_Crabbe and Goyle have always had a cruel sense of humour. So what did they do? I think most of you already know. _

Blaise winced. Indeed he knew. And even for him it was cruel.

_They took her cat, Crookshanks, stupefied him and strung him up by his tail, writing a message in red paint on the walls just outside the Gryffindor Common Room._

_The same message as in our second year. Potter saw right through it, as did Weasley, but Hermione..._

_Crabbe and Goyle were immediately found out (That's what happens when you're a loud braggart in this school, as it were). They pointed everything to me. Making sure I'd get in trouble, that I'd be the guilty party._

_Hermione looked at me with a look of strong betrayal. And I felt again. I was ashamed at my friends, but mostly hot with anger that she really thought it was me!_

_"How could you?" Hermione demanded one day in a deserted corridor, "I thought I could trust you! But no! You stupefy my cat, make it look as though he's been murdered and then scare the crap out of Harry!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs._

_"Hermione, it wasn't me!" I tried to defend myself._

_"Don't tell me - it was Crabbe and Goyle? Those two are basically your henchmen!"_

_'They're smarter than you think!" I yelled back hotly. "Look, you can either trust me or leave me alone; either way, I know what I did and you think you know what I did." I'd turned away. She wouldn't believe me, and, the heartwrenching part of it, I couldn't truly blame her. _

_I was tired._

Blaise could imagine it. As the last words left his friend's mouth, his shoulders would sink in, his face would fall and an utter miserable expression would cover his face.

That was a look that made Blaise's heart cringe and melt. It made him want to hug his best friend. And, as Draco stated, hugs weren't something Slytherin men or pureblood men were encouraged to do.

_I've always been a pompous person; pride was and still is a big thing for me, I refuse to cower and beg for forgiveness from her or return to her for help._

_After that passed, she flat out ignored me. Sure, I had my occasional spats with Potter: I'd insult his mother and/or father, he'd try to kill me with either his fist, wand or broomstick, I'd laugh, he'd growl - you all know the story of our rivalry, I'm not going to repeat it here._

Draco the humourist, as always, again with the dry humour and the sarcasm.

If Draco didn't go into Politics, he could always try his hand at satire.

_As we were, I lost a friend. She'd become a rather light being to have around me. With her the glass was never half-full or half-empty, it just had water in it, which meant there was hope, even if only a scrap._

_I'm not sorry, Hermione, for being myself, but I am sorry for not fighting to keep you as my friend. You always knew what to say, but you have the habit of judging too quickly. _

Nicely worded, Blaise thought. Granger was a lot like the purebloods in that sense: she was simply too proud to admit she was wrong or even give anything a second thought.

_You're a cocky girl, you don't believe you can be wrong._

_But you were. And here I am._

Indeed - on his deathbed. Granger would have questions once he came out of here. But Blaise would have a set of questions of his own. For everyone.


	7. Chapter 7: Harry

**A/N: Thanks to Batmarcus, scrypko, Rachael with an A and NarglesAreBehindtIt for reviewing.**

**Chapter 7: Harry**

Blaise thought Draco had a knack for powerful endings, because nearly every page left him with a shiver or two to supress.

Or maybe it was just that this was a book explaining why his best friend had killed himself, or tried to. Blaise had never been so happy that Draco'd failed at something. Because Draco rarely failed at anything, Blaise often envied said ability.

He looked down, seeing a name he'd been waiting for.

_Harry Potter._

_And so here we are, at a page I'm certain you've all been waiting for. In this chapter (I refuse to call it a diary entry) I shall rant on and on about one Harry Potter, the boy who just wouldn't die._

Draco wasn't being serious. Blaise could see it clearly; Draco would be saying it in his bored tone, sarcasm dripping like venom from his frontal teeth whilst he had a disgusted look on his face. It was a look Blaise had learned to identify quickly, because there was no there way of discerning the jokes from seriousness.

Draco's sarcasm wasn't something most people caught; they always thought he was being serious. Same with his jokes.

_Let me make something clear: I do not hate Potter. I dislike him, and it's for my own selfish reasons too._

Believable that, Blaise thought. He himself had never had a rivalry with the chosen one, he mostly didn't even give Potter the time of day.

He didn't like or dislike Potter, because he didn't know him. He knew what Draco said, but Draco'd always be against him and not for him. Blaise also never set much store by what that Skeeter woman said. Even if girls like Pansy lapped her stuff up like some delicious treat.

_You see, besides the obvious Potter-is-a-prat and Potter-loves-attention arguments I always use; Potter really isn't a bad guy. He still is a prat, but I can see he abhors the attention his legacy's left him._

Blaise had to read that twice. In the above argument... Draco was actually on Potter's side? He read it a third time, blinked and grinned.

Draco wasn't all that bad, was he?

But Blaise already knew that. A lot of Slytherins had idolised Draco for standing up to saint Potter, but about two months ago Draco'd snapped that they all should shut up because they had no idea what Potter had had to live through and they should all be thankful that they had parents who loved them.

After that he stomped away moodily and he didn't speak to anyone for almost a week.

_Same with our fourth year, when he was chosen as a champion, even I could see he was absolutely shocked by it. _

_Didn't stop me from mocking him, I know, but... I was, and still am, jealous of him. There. My secret: I envy Harry Potter._

Well, it wasn't what Blaise had expected, but it did allow him to see his friend's reasoning. Jealousy was an ugly thing; it made people do awful things.

_When he refused my hand of friendship, I was devastated. No one had refused me before, and the sensation was strange and unwanted._

_I really had been spoiled as a child..._

That was completely true. The first year of coping with Draco Malfoy was an absolute nightmare. If the child didn't get what he'd wanted, he'd threatened to tell his father.

And no one was stupid enough to anger Lucius Malfoy, at least then, when he was thought to be a dangerous wizard and high up in the Ministry.

Now they knew better.

_That made me both respect and hate him. I think I wanted someone to say no to me, I wanted someone who I could see as an equal. And, let's face it, Greg and Vince aren't exactly individuals of their own._

Blaise wanted to grumble: he'd said no to Draco too! On that very day; and the bastard didn't even mention it?

_But I met Blaise on that day too, and he had a complete different approach when I offered him my hand. It was slapped away and he said, quite snootily, that I had to earn his trust._

Okay, there was Blaise's mention. And he remembered that day quite clearly. Draco'd stared at him with wide eyes before Blaise rounded on him and headed towards his bed.

After that they'd been reluctant allies, then, in their second year, some in the Slytherin house had turned against Draco, because, for some unfathomable reason, they assumed he'd been the one to open the Chamber of Secrets, which amused Blaise to no end. Imagine it: a twelve year old doing all that crap.

But that didn't deter the handful that suspected him. They weren't happy because of the attacks; no one was.

_I did. I don't think I did, I know I did. Because as Potter and Weasley are almsot sticking up for one another, and there for each other when it's really needed, and the way they always talk whatever's bothering them out, Blaise and I do the same. We just don't flaunt our friendship in everyone's faces like Gryffindors too._

That made Blaise heart swell the tiniest bit. At least he wasn't alone in those feelings. Draco was his best friend and Draco considered Blaise his best friend.

_I once read that having a friend like Blaise is like wetting yourself whilst wearing a black pair of wizarding robes (yes Blaise, I just compared you to someone wetting themselves... You'll probably find a way to bring me back to life and re-kill me if you ever read that), no one, or very few, can see it, but you feel the warmth. Only a friendship doesn't come with the stink, but it sure does come with a mess._

Blaise laughed. He couldn't not laugh; it was just that funny. As far as the comparison was concerned: there were worse things to be compared to.

_Back to Potter: he had what I wanted. He was surrounded by people that obviously loved him, whilst I had my mother, Severus, Blaise and Tori. And perhaps Theo, I reckon I wrecked the friendship that we had with my actions._

Draco forgot a few people, but those people weren't around enough.

He thought he'd speak to Theodore after this first; maybe see what's going on. He sure hoped Theo still considered them friends; that's what both boys, Theo and Draco, now needed. Theo to deal with grief and Draco to see he wasn't alone.

_Potter was just too blind to appreciate them. The Weasleys. Hermione, Dumbledore, McGonagall, every other damn teacher at this school (even Severus, dear reader, has an alarming soft spot for him. Just don't tell Sev I told you that. After Blaise kills me for the second time, Sev will be next in line followed by Potter (and all of his friends! And he had many, he had enough!)._

Maybe Blaise needed to talk to Potter too. Though he had no idea how to approach the matter with the Gryffindor boy.

_So every spat I ever had with him was because I was jealous. I was petty and childish and just stupid._

And that took guts to admit. Especially if Draco knew someone would read it.

_I wanted to be him, but at the same time I didn't. He has no parents and the only father figure he's ever known died at the end of last year. He's never known his parents and Sev is a damn bastard to him! Though Sev's bias for his own house is understandable. The other teachers are biased towards the other three houses, whilst he returns the favour and he gets the most crap for it too._

It was true. But Snape really was mean to Potter, even if he had a soft spot for him. It didn't make sense.

_Life isn't fair. And I'm sorry for adding to your hell, Potter. I really do think you and I could've been friends, or at least allies, were it not for faults on both our sides._

Blaise copied the page quickly, wrote a short note and called a house elf.

_Potter - you know what Draco did... Well, he wrote a book about it. Here's the page dedicated to you. Please find me after classes. B. Zabini._

"Is that all, master?" The elf squeaked. Blaise jumped, he recognised that voice!

"Dobby!"

"Took master Zabini long enough," Dobby huffed, then his large eyes went a bit teary, "Is master Draco fine? Dobby is being worried..."

"Why? He's never done anything good by you," The words slipped past his lips before he could stop himself.

Dobby laughed, cocking his head to the side, "Master Draco wasn't kind, but he never allowed me to punish myself."

That was something Blaise hadn't known.

**A/N: Please review and receive a hug from either me, Vern the purple alien or Mort.**


	8. Chapter 8: Ginny

**A/N: Okay, another chapter, but heed this warning: There is swearing in this chapter, as well as some sexual content, I made sure to stay within the T rating. Nothing graphic, just some mentions that made Blaise uncomfortable.**

**Thanks to Batmarcus, NarglesAreBehindIt, Izzeh, SusieCJ, b3yondimaginations, Carling and the anon reviewers for, well, reviewing!**

**Chapter 8: Ginny**

Blaise heaved a sigh and made himself comfortable on his bed. Lunchtime was approaching, he wanted to finish the book before then, so that he could demand that everyone in the journal should gather.

Well, except for the Dark Lord; that would be stupid.

He turned the page and almost choked on his own spit when Ginny Weasley's name appeared on top of the page. Where did she fit in?

_So, how surprised are we all by this page? Yes, Draco Malfoy has dedicated a page to the bloodtraitor Weasley._

Blaise was indeed surprised.

_Why? Because!_

_Ginevra Weasley was, briefly, the bane of my entire existance. Astoria's probably going to murder me for this, but, in my defense, it happened during our time apart._

Blaise felt his eyes about to drop out of their sockets. Ginny Weasley? But... Huh? How... where? When did it happen?

He knew about the brief break-up Astoria and Draco had, but when did his best friend hook up with Weasley?

_You see, sweet reader, Astoria had chosen to break up with me a few days ago. Why? Well, shall I be witty and say "because"?_

_She felt my attitude and general being was wrong. I was a mean, sadistic person to her, and I wasn't giving my all in our relationship._

Blaise winced. He still felt a bit responsible for that.

_Was it surprising? She hadn't told me about Theo's brother, or anything about that, which I can halfly understand, but she could've told me about him going through something tough and his need for a friend. I would've understood, I'm not completely heartless!_

Oh, so he was only partially heartless? That was good to know. It was a lie, Draco had one of the biggest hearts Blaise knew, he just hid it.

_But she didn't, and she sent me to the moon._

That was an interesting metaphor to use, Blaise thought.

_So what did I have to live for, exactly? _

_Then she came. It was quick, it was frenzied, passionate and damn hot. She has a very talented little mouth, even if I must say so myself._

Blaise choked again. Hot little mouth? What exactly did they do?

_"I know, Draco," she said the first time she caught me off guard, "you need it, I need it. Who says we have to like each other to enjoy it?"_

Blaise couldn't believe. Weasley suggested the arrangement? And, what was worse, Draco accepted? What was this world turning into?

_In moments of utter passion, where our bodies would rub against one another, our lips meeting, tongues wrestling, fighting to be the dominant party, because neither of us were going to be submissive._

Blaise grimaced. He really had no need to be given that sort of information, Draco could've just written 'we were, for use of a better word, fuck buddies, and that's it', but no, Draco had to be a bloody wordsmith!

_We met in empty classes; kissing and groping each other, never saying anything, using our mouths for other things and moaning. We once tried a broom cupboard, Hogwarts has a number of those, but it was too awkward. There wasn't enough space to really move._

Blaise wanted to stick his head in a drain. Too much, too soon! Blaise would never look at Weasley the same again!

_Often we were drunk. Firewhiskey, something called vodka, rum, and we simply would sleep in the classroom._

_One day, Astoria found me, saying we needed to talk. Any man knows that when a woman says that, you run as fast as you possibly can and hide._

Blaise could already see this going bad. Astoria would feel like crap, because her boyfriend had been sleeping with the enemy, and all the time she'd been consoling her best friend.

_But I still did love her. There was absolutely no strings attached to the affair I had Weasley; the only thing between us was my tongue, to put it lightly._

Blaise shivered. He swore Draco was being a moron on purpose, at least he didn't explain in detail what they did, because that would make Blaise want to put the book down. He really, really didn't need to know the details of Draco's sex life.

_So, I heard her out. She apologized, saying she'd been confused and she'd been distracted. She didn't say with what. Would I forgive her?_

Oh, Astoria would be livid if she found out about this.

_I'm a lovestruck idiot, what did I answer? Of course I'd take her back. But I needed a day or two, to end whatever I had with the youngest Weasley._

_She took it good, "Of course, this was purely physical," Ginny said when we next met, "and it's been fun,"_

_Only she was lying._

_"You're lying," I accused._

_"I'm not." She stated._

_"Liar," I sneered._

_"You were my first time, Draco," She relented, it was the first time she used my name._

_"You were mine too." I admitted. We sat in silence, unsure of what to do or say or how to act._

_"You were good," She laughed, "gosh, Draco, you were bloody good,"_

_"And you, Miss Weasley, have a damn good mouth,"_

_More silence followed._

_"So we leave it here?" She asked after a few minutes._

_"I don't want to," I said before I could stop myself; as it turned out, our fling wasn't purely physical, it seemed, "I'm so confused."_

_She put her head on my shoulder, her arms around my shoulders, "We're fucked up, eh? I'm hopelessly in love with Harry, and he's noticing me... but there's you, and you throw my hormones into haywire."_

_"What do we do?" I asked her._

_"Go to her. There's a difference between what you and I had, and between what you and Astoria have."_

Blaise's heart softened. Weasley was actually a sweet girl, wasn't she?

And Astoria had no real reason to be mad, they were broken up at the time. She'd be mad that it was Weasley and that he slept with her. Blaise would be mad if his girlfriend did what Draco'd done.

_That was it. I felt awful for stealing her innocence, but she didn't mind, as it were. Neither of us did._

What was most surprising to Blaise was the fact that Draco was a virgin. After all, it was Draco, supposedly Slytherin house's sex god.

_But there is always an awkward feeling after something like this._

_We'd avoid one another more than we already were. And that was what got to me._

So... Draco did develop feelings for her?

Blaise was just as confused as Draco must've been. He started to rethink his plan to get everyone together, he had no idea how Astoria or Weasley would react to this getting out.

Not to mention Potter's reaction, to find out his current girlfriend had been getting frisky with his nemesis.

Blaise gave up. What will be, will be.

Blaise nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door. He thrust the book under his pillow and ran to the door, almost immediately regretting it when he was swept up by a dizzy spell.

Opening the door, Blaise nearly hit the floor again.

"Potter? How the hell did you get up here?" He demanded. Potter shrugged and gestured to the tiny elf behind him: Dobby.

"Can I come in?" He asked, "I promise not to destroy anything,"

Blaise hesitated, knowing he'd have to show Potter what his girlfriend had done. With a sigh, he took a step back and allowed the Gryffindor to pass.

Dobby went back to the kitchens.

"Potter, there's something you should know... about your girlfriend..." He started, fetching the book again, "And why aren't you in class?"

Potter grumbled something.

"Excuse me?"

"Dumbledore told me to stay in bed," He said louder.

"Why?"

Potter ignored the question, "What do I need to know about Ginny? If you're going to tell me that she slept with Malfoy, you can save it."

"You know?"

Potter laughed, "Of course, Ginny doesn't hide anything from me."

Blaise sighed again, he did that a lot nowadays, "Why did you come up here?"

"I don't know. I don't feel sorry for Malfoy, I just... care? I don't know."

"Why would you care, Potter?" It was hard to keep the disdain out of his voice.

"Why wouldn't I?" Potter asked, "Look, I came here in peace, I don't plan on leaving in pieces."

Blaise couldn't help it, he laughed.

. . .

**A/N: Please review, people! I added some humour to lighten the mood.**


	9. Chapter 9: The Talk

**A/N:Okay, I know, but I had to do a lot of thinking to do here. You can thank Batsy for this chapter, he gave me the idea. I realise a lot of what happened last chapter was shocking, so yeah...**

**Thanks to Batmarcus, NarglesAreBehindIt, just a turtle and Annabelle4.0 for reviewing! A special thanks to Annabelle4.0 for reviewing every chapter. **

**For Davie.**

**Chapter 9: The Talk**

Once Blaise had calmed down, he invited Harry to sit next to him. There were a lot of questions running through his mind.

Yes, he thought Ginny was pretty, he wouldn't admit it, though.

"Why did you start dating her if you knew she slept like a modern-day prostitute with Draco?" Blaise asked.

"Because I love her. Look, Ginny's made a mistake, we all make those. It took me a while to get over the fact that the girl of my dreams had sex with Draco Malfoy...but have any of us ever considered how Ginny must feel? In her first year she almost got killed by Voldemort! She never got any sort of counseling for it, she was just expected 'to get over it', and... don't call her a slut in front of me, okay? She's my girlfriend."

Blaise saw Potter's point. About both points. But he'd still lost all respect for the Weasley girl.

"Do you know that she tried to take her own life on her second year?" Harry asked quietly. Blaise hadn't known this, he stared at the Gryffindor in aghast.

"What?"

"No one knew about it, Hermione found her. She made Hermione swear not to tell her mother, but Hermione told me. And Ron. That's why Ron is so protective of her. He feels as though he's failed as a brother," Harry went on, meeting the Slytherin's eyes, "I know what it's like to have Voldemort in my mind, but to have him possess her like a common demon? She had no recollection of the acts she carried out, and they made themselves known via dreams and nightmares. Do you know what it's like to realise the horrible things he forced her to do?"

Blaise shook his head in denial.

"She never told anyone all of the things he made her do, just because he felt like it."

"So she slept with Draco?" Blaise didn't understand her reasoning, "As a comfort?"

"Because until this year she had a series of complexes going on. I don't expect you to understand, Blaise, but people with inferiority complexes especially will go to lengths to feel appreciated." Harry's shoulders sagged.

"You just called me on my name..." Blaise noted, forgetting that they were talking about Weasley.

"And?" Harry's tone indicated annoyance. Blaise had rarely seen him irate. Angry, happy, sad - this, however, was n ew.

"Why?" Blaise couldn't help but ask.

"If you hadn't realised, I'm in the Slytherin dormitory, about Draco's, not Malfoy's, suicide attempt. This bullshit about calling each other on our last names should stop. Because, like in Draco's case, Malfoy makes you see all of Lucius' faults and automatically connect them to his son too." Harry huffed, slightly out of breath. Blaise realised that one, Po – Harry was right, and two, this was the longest conversation the two boys had ever had.

"Potter..."

"Harry." Harry said firmly, causing Blaise to roll his eyes.

"Fine, Harry, I think we could be..." Blaise hesitated, unsure of whether he wanted to do this.

"Friends?" Harry suggested.

"I still don't fully understand why your girlfriend did what she did." Blaise said uncomfortably.

"In the end, Blaise, we can't judge." Harry said sagely, causing Blaise's mouth to drop open. Harry Potter just sounded wise? When did he turn into SUCH a Ravenclaw?

Harry laughed out loud at the look on the Zabini heir's face.

"You know I'm right." Harry grinned.

"When did you turn into Granger? First Draco becomes a loving and caring Gryffindor, and now you're transforming into your little friend, or is this Granger under Polyjuice Potion?" Blaise rambled on, this day was full of so many surprises.

"Would Hermione talk like a normal person in a situation like this?" Harry asked, "I know she and Draco were friends until that prank."

"Didn't you think to tell her it wasn't Draco? Even you know he's not that idiotic." Blaise grimaced.

"I know." Harry said simply.

"Did you tell her?" Blaise asked, exasperated, he swore Harry was being dimwitted on purpose.

"Yes." Harry said carefully.

"And?" Blaise demanded, getting annoyed at Harry. The tables were now thrown around.

"And what?" Harry wanted to know with a frown.

"What did she say?" Blaise asked through clenched teeth.

"That's private."

"Potter!" Blaise yelled, frustrated.

"What?" Harry asked innocently.

"Fine. Harry!" Blaise yelled again. This was turning into a game, and Blaise felt guilty for having even this bit of fun while Draco was going through so much.

"Better," Harry shrugged, "Thing is, Blaise, they have to sort it out, it's not our job."

"Another wisecrack from Harry James Potter, reformed vampire."

"Was that sarcasm, irony or humour?" Harry was confused.

"The latter." Blaise said, nose in the air.

"What?"

"The last one." Blaise explained.

"Oh..." Harry sighed, "Back to the point: Let's be friends. If we show the rest of the school you and I can put our differences aside, then we can ultimately defeat Voldemort, because we can make this school a unity."

"Quite the wordsmith, eh?" Blaise said in a tone that could almost be described as 'fond' or 'endearing'.

"No, that's Draco. What do you say, kid? We got a deal?" Harry asked. Blaise nodded with a toothy grin, taking Draco's journal in hand again, motioning for Harry to scoot closer.

"You realise this will be war, don't you?" Blaise said in a low tone, "And I want you to come with me when I confront all of these people at lunch."

"Oh, you have contact with Voldemort? 'Cause that'd be great, I wanted to invite him for tea." Harry joked.

"Potter, I almost feel guilty for enjoying your company while Draco's in the Hospital Wing." Blaise said, the feeling eating at the crusts of his heart.

"We'll make Draco smile, Blaise." Harry said, causing the Slytherin to stare at Harry. Not because he was being idealistic, because he was being rather childish. It was cute.

"You sound like a five year old." Blaise admonished him.

"We're all five inside, Blaise, I just chose to bring out my inner toddler," Harry shrugged, tugging the book out of Blaise's hands, "We'll see why Draco's so unhappy, and we'll fix it."

"So you're going to demand answers from Lucius Malfoy?" Blaise raised an eyebrow, flipping to the pages dedicated to Lucius. Harry skimmed it, stood up and headed for the door.

"Po – Harry?" Blaise asked, wondering where he was going now. He really was like a toddler, wasn't he?

"What?" Harry asked, his fists clenched.

"Where are you going?"

"Mr. Malfoy showed up earlier this morning, Blaise, and he looked terrible. I'm going to find him, I want to know what he's done. He has a child, Blaise, and he's forcing Draco into this?" Harry was really passionate, his eyes burning with something that wasn't hatred or even dislike, it was misunderstanding and distrust.

Blaise understood. Harry, who never knew his parents (Blaise had heard the rumours about Harry's family), couldn't understand why Lucius would do that to his son.

"Just don't kill him, Potter, maybe he has some remorse."

"I really hope so." Harry sighed, disappearing, leaving Blaise to find the next page.

. . .

**A/N: Please review!**


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